Fire Gardy

Hello again everyone!

I was suffering through an all-company meeting all week, and didn’t have access to my computer. Little happened Twins-wise this week, so we didn’t really miss out on anything. But I know (or, more accurately, assume) that there are millions (dozens) of you out there desperately wondering what exactly those jerks over at Fire Gardy are thinking these days.

Well, to be honest, not all that much at the moment. But fortunately, there’s a little bit of news that the Twins continue to claim that they’re not suffering from the “downturn” in the “economy” (whatever that is/means).

While they point out that they do fear a drop in walk-up ticket sales, they constantly brag about the record season ticket sales. Boo ya, you fans! We’re getting your money even if you don’t feel like coming to the games!

Well, that $20M profit the Twins banked last season when they weren’t coming anywhere close to their stated “goal” of spending 52% of revenue on player salaries has been spent well: we signed Luis Ayala and are doing our best to short-shrift Joe Crede! We’re totally not stealing from you.

Well, I just want to take this time to point out that the revenues of Fire Gardy have also managed not to crater during this economic downturn; in fact, we’ve managed to hit our revenue projections right on the nose. And we, like the Twins, promise not to spend that money on signing Joe Crede.

Sorry for the substance-free week, everyone. It’s the last week before spring training, and everyone’s in hiding before they have to report and pretend that they’ve actually been trying to stay in shape over the excruciatingly long offseason. (By the way, whose idea was it to leave three months between the end of the World Series and the beginning of Spring Training? I would like them to buy a Free Jason Kubel t-shirt, so I can find out their address and kick their anti-American face.)

You heard me. Go Twins.